I have gotten into many a discussion with friends and acquaintances about whether or not God answers prayers, and if so how does he do it. Maybe more to the point how do I know if God is talking to me directly. I did have an unmistakable feeling awhile back that led me toward the ministry. What some might call a coincidence I believe is destiny. God does not do coincidences.
I have for some time now been second guessing the decision to attend seminary. Not outwardly but internally because I was in battle with myself over how to hear God answer my prayers of concern that I was not cut out to be a preacher, or one that would be able to stand in front of people to convey the Gospel. I fretted over this and started to feel disheartened until today.
I had a dream this morning, which is somewhat unusual, or should I say I remembered a dream from this morning. I did not give the dream much credence in that it meant something but more that it was disturbing to me in what happened in the dream.
I was somewhere unrecognizable but I was with a woman. I do not know who this woman was but I felt that I had unconditional love for this woman yet I killed her. It was not a malice killing it was as if I did not kill her I would be killed, so to save my life she had to die. The people around me were very upset as one might expect and I was becoming persecuted, in the dream. There was some type of memorial service or funeral held for her and I found myself walking into the room to attend and was greeted with hostility from the mourners and yet I felt like I knew the mourners personally. I began to explain to them that I loved this woman with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind. I loved her as much as them yet I did kill her. I was very vocal and adamant and genuine about how I felt. A voice said to me during this time, “look at yourself, you can do it, you can be a preacher!” That’s when I woke up from my dream.
This bugged me all day long about why I would dream something so terrible and really so off the wall. I finally spoke to my wife about it and as I said it aloud I became very shocked, excited and dumbfounded. God had answered my prayer. In a revelation I realized that the woman who I loved so much and killed was Jesus. My sin killed him and if He had not died I would have because the wages of sin is death. And because He died not only for me but for all of us I am very passionate about having to tell the whole world about Him.
Yes I killed Jesus, but we all killed Jesus and I will not second guess Gods plan for me to follow the path into seminary and to preach his Word to all the nations. Jesus died so I could live, so we all could live.